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Title: and if you return to me
Fandom: Shameless (US)
Characters/Pairings: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Gallagher Family
Word Count: 1,690
Ratings: PG
Summary: Ian comes back. But only to say goodbye.
Author's Note: Set post-5x11, written with no knowledge of 5x12. Just general dread and anxiety and a helpless love for these two boys. Title taken from Damien Jurado's "Beacon Hill."

So, um. I really meant to do a general post ages ago about my new and intense love/obsession with Shameless, but I am typically terrible at LJ, and I figured I had time. But Season 5 of this show (guys, if you're not watching this show...you should be watching this show) has been giving me intense, sometimes delicious, sometimes just straight up excruciating pain, and before I knew it, I got slammed with this weird, time-specific fic idea that just somehow got written. I haven't written a full fic in almost two and a half years, so I don't exactly understand how I got to this point. But it happened, and it's here, and I don't think I expect anyone to read it, since I don't even know if any of you watch this show/still talk to me after all of my extended absences. But I like using LJ as a place where I keep all my stuff, even if it's disorganized and random. And yes, I've posted on AO3, I know, but still. I still love LJ, ok? I just do.

So. Here, I guess? Feel free to ignore. I just wanted it to be here for whatever reason.

and if you return to me

Ian comes back. But only to say goodbye.Collapse )

This is a Christmas puppy of contrition:

Um. HELLO. Does anyone remember me? I've been...I've had the most insanely busy year. I dropped off the face of the earth, I know. Radio silent since January. That's bad. I know that's bad.

But hello! This is one of those posts people do sometimes to announce that I am still alive and to ask what I've missed. So tell me, friends, how has 2014 treated you? Are there any exciting updates, projects, or general things I ought to know about? Feel free to link away. Or you could just curse at me in the comments. Or ignore me entirely. Just look at the puppy above if your rage gets to be too strong.

Basically: HELLO! I'M SORRY! HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Off to chew on a Christmas tree in shame. 

Mistakes I Have Made This Past Week:

1. I ran another half marathon. To be fair, it went a whole lot better than the last two, but my knees are still terrible. And getting up at 4am to run 13 miles is just not a rational thing to do. Why do humans do these things to themselves.

2. The Australian Open has so thoroughly ruined my sleep schedule these past two weeks that I am half delirious at this point. WHY, AUSTRALIAN TIME DIFFERENCE. Still. Tis done. And while I feel terrible for Rafa, I'm super happy for Stan. And now I can sleep again.

3. Biggest mistake of all: I got a tumblr. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY, GUYS. I just wanted something easy where I could look at pretty pictures and write snarky tags. I know full well that tumblr is the source of all evil. I KNOW this. And yet I have succumbed. And by the by, I am HOPELESS at it. I have no idea how to tumbl. And I don't know how to find any of you! So who has a tumblr? Give me links, people. I am in the market to follow.

P.S. Here's mine:


So far I have no idea what to do with it. But it's there in the universe. So please, tell me where to go. I guess I should start reblogging things now? HOW HAVE I BECOME THIS PERSON?

Send help. The end. 

Happy New Year! And I'm back, not that any of you knew I left. But just in case you have noticed I've been even more silent than usual, I've been in London for the last two weeks, so if I've missed anything I ought to have seen, please do tell me. What's been going on, kids?

As for me, I had a lovely holiday, and am struggling with the back to routine. Also, I'm ill, so that makes it extra unpleasant. Still, can't complain. I did lots of wonderful things on my trip, but one of the prime endeavors was our epic theatre tour of London. And it got me thinking - why don't we talk about theatre more here? I feel like I've seen several of you mention love for theatre, but this should be a thing we're talking about all the time. So, let's go, kids, hands up: WHO HERE LIKES THEATRE AND WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IT? I have issued the challenge. Accept it if you dare.

Meanwhile, back to the standard, TV. I spent the second half of my Christmas Day watching specials, and it was glorious. Two hours of Downton Abbey for lolz, followed immediately by Love Actually. Oh, ITV, you spoil me. But is anyone caught up on Downton? I watch it exclusively for lolz and costumes now, which has proven to be a much more enjoyable experience. Anybody want to chat?

AND DOCTOR WHO. Ngl, I had a lot of problems with this episode, but ultimately I'm content to just ignore what I see as the glaring inconsistencies in canon and just focus on the good stuff. And now those of you who haven't seen it yet should avert your eyes, because I must say,[spoiler for those late to party - hey, I've never done one of these before! Fun.]the part at the end with Amy?DEAD. I DIED. Listen, I was watching this in one room with my family, and I DO. NOT. SHOW. EMOTIONS. in front of people. It is simply not something I do. So imagine my horror when I had ACTUAL SINGLE MANLY TEARS COMING OUT OF MY EYES. It was a disaster. I had to snuggle my head into a pillow and then rush off into the dark after the episode ended to wash away the evidence. Raggedy Man, Goodnight - FUCKING HELL. YOU CANNOT DO THAT TO ME. So, yeah, that's a thing that happened.

Not much else to report, really. Just wanted to check in in the new year. And I will leave you with Exhibits A, B, and so on, for why I am having trouble adjusting to normal life. Back to theatre - I must warn you that I am not just a casual theatre go-er, at least not in London. Allow me to demonstrate. We were in London for 13 nights. We saw 13 shows. This is how intense we are. We double up some days so we don't spend our entire trip in tiny British theatres, and let me tell you, double header days are FUN. And now for the bragging portion. This is a list of just some of the humans I have now been in the same room with, watching them be flawless. Listed in chronological order, because I simply CANNOT LIST in order of importance. It is just not possible. You'll see.

1. Ben Whishaw
2. Matthew Macfadyen
3. David Tennant
4. Tom Hiddleston


This concludes the obnoxious portion of the evening. And I bid you goodnight, and a Happy New Year! 2014. What even. 

It's that time of year again! I have snowflakes on my nails, Elf recorded on my DVR, and my running playlist set to Christmas music (side note: not always a wise decision. The Christmas Waltz is not exactly what you want to hear when you're 5 miles in and feeling like you might die.). General jolliness abounds.

And while I have absolutely no right to participate in this (and very nearly didn't), who can resist a shameless plea for attention? So, here it is (Merry Christmas):

holiday love meme 2013
my thread here

I know I have been the actual worst LJ friend for most of 2013. But I love you all. TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT.


(Ok, so I'm not dead. I'm aware that all evidence points to be being quite deceased, but I'm not, and there are reasons, but none of them matter, because today was Doctor Who Day.)

I have been so excited for today. So, so excited. I have legit been looking forward to this all year. And this week has been such a grand time. BBC America was playing all Doctor Who all the time, and while I didn't have nearly enough time to devote to watching, it was such a delight knowing that every time I turned on my TV Doctor Who would be on. It also revived all of my semi-dormant Ten feelings in a BIG way. God, I just love everything.

So I went to one of the screenings today. Yes, it was in 3D. I got to be in a crowd of fellow nerds wearing 3D glasses that made us look even weirder in the best way, and everyone was excited and cheery but also surprisingly not annoying (no one screamed over key lines or anything, which, yay), and the pre-show bits were beyond wonderful and POPCORN CAN FEEL PAIN.

Also, I dressed up. Mostly. I wore suspenders and a red bow tie, and I painted my nails 5 different designs, which include the Tardis, the Time Vortex, and a Dalek. Proudest moment, this is it. Also, I went out into the world after the screening and people were weirdly into my outfit and I was just like, "people, this is a COSTUME." And they said they didn't care and that I should wear it more often. Weird or win? You decide.

As for the actual episode...Collapse )

UM SO HI. I'm alive. I know, this has been bad. It's been...some months. What's the point of even trying to justify it. I fail. This we know.

So there was a new TVD tonight. To be perfectly honest, I don't have it in me to write anything of substance. So what follows is an extremely brief LOL post. Starting off with:

Lol, just realized that Vampire Weekend opened the episode.Collapse )

I am well aware that I have not one, but two unanswered posts. I truly will get to them. But guys. Guys.



We are the unholy family. Tell them that. Collapse )

Hello and welcome to Day 2 of (100) Days of Summer (ugh I'm the worst seriously apologies SO PRETENTIOUS). It was such fun hearing from all of you about shipping preferences, so now I'm going to grill you some more. Let's get to it.

So I caught a bit of A Room With A View (the one with Helena Bonham-Carter) a few days ago, and it got me thinking. I've loved that movie forever, and I saw it long before I read the book, but the book is still a huge deal for me. I consider it to be a perfect novel. It's one of those books that just lives in my head at all times. There's one particular scene that's so flawless that I actually have a line from it that runs through my head every so often as one of the prime examples of just exquisite writing. So I'm watching this movie and thinking about this book and getting all feels-y, and it occurs to me that I have an incredibly intelligent flist, and we don't talk about books much, even though I'm pretty sure you're all much more well-read than I. So let's talk!

This is a loose meme, because book questions are far too expansive. I would never ask anyone to name their 5 favourite books or anything, because that's impossible. But basically, this:

Tell me about some books that have had a profound effect on you in some way or another. Doesn't have to be life-changing or even all-inclusive. You will leave things out, because who can name every book that means something to them. But right now, off the top of your head, tell me about the books you reread the most often, the books you remember best, the books that make you go "Oh, that book. THAT BOOK THO." Be as brief or as lengthy as you wish.

I'll start. THIS IS THE LEAST THOROUGH LIST EVER. I'm seriously just naming the first few books that pop into my head. I will surely forget some super important ones. And then when you all remind me, we can flail together.

A Room With A View

As I said, it's a perfect novel. If you haven't read it, do yourself a favor and do it right now. I am very much a classic books girl, due mostly to my upbringing from my English teacher mother. But even if you're not so into the older books, this book is just flawless. It's beautifully written, tight and concise but just lovely. And stunningly romantic. I am NOT a romantic person, by any means, and yet this book is pretty much the perfect love story. And it's one of those fantastic books that was written a century ago and yet still feels new and current and relevant. We might not be in the society Forster depicts, but people are still people, and any novel that truly captures the terrible turmoil of trying to figure out your life and who you are always feels fresh. The funny thing is, Forster actually wanted to end this book differently, but begrudgingly kept the original ending, and it's just baffling to me that he would ever want to change it, because it's perfect from start to finish. Writers, man.

Ella Enchanted

I suppose this is technically a kids book, but that hasn't stopped me from rereading it pretty much every year since ever. It doesn't feel like a kids book, which is the best kind of kids book. It's charming and entertaining and exciting and I love it more every time I read it. It's got action and adventure and romance and life lessons, all delivered with wit and snark and humor. Ella is wonderful, despite all odds. I have no love for first person, and I certainly have no love for the plucky heroines of kids novels who end up being more irritating than inspirational, but Ella is pretty hard not to love. And the whole story ranges through different lands, briefly takes a spin as an epistolary novel, and proves itself to be the rare kind of 'updated fairy tale' that's actually an improvement on the original. Pay no attention to the dreadful film that hijacked the title. That movie took the basic concept and ran totally wild with it, and from the half hour or so I saw of it, misused it terribly. It's only tangentially related to the book, so don't let it deter you. The novel itself is short and sweet and will take you a day to read. It's worth it.

Harry Potter

What even need be said. These books changed my life. The end.

Wuthering Heights

Ughhh, this book. I fucking love this book. I went into this book thinking it was going to be this great sweeping love story like everyone had always told me it was, and good lord, it was nothing like that. It is SO MUCH BETTER. Catherine and Heathcliff are a fucking disaster, and the best part is, they're supposed to be. They are not supposed to be a love story. They are two deeply, unhealthily codependent people, and they're both awful, and they ruin everything they touch. Heathcliff is irredeemable, Cathy is immature and irresponsible and destructive, and everyone around them gets tainted by their inability to cope with their own issues. And every bit of it is amazing. I've never understood why people want to celebrate Cathy and Heathcliff as a great love story, because the reality is so much more wonderful. This is a multigenerational story in which the latter generation atones for the older's sins, and it takes everyone so many tries to get it right. So in the end, when someone finally does get it right, it's that much more beautiful. I love this book for how much it surprised me by its dysfunction and atypical misery the first time I read it, but I've read it several times since, and I keep loving it for how gorgeously and honestly it depicts each and every desperate, flailing character. This is a book of characters, and they're all fascinating. The multi-tiered narration structure is also consistently amazing, and it adds a layer of nuance and intrigue into everything, because you never know quite how much you can trust what you read. Basically, this is a stunning novel and an eternal favourite of mine. Emily Bronte is my Bronte of choice.

Alright, let's cap it at that. I know I'm omitting some huge players here, but I don't want to overwhelm. These are just a few of the books that spring to my mind in the Favourite Always category.

Jump on in. (I'm tempted to make a 'water's warm' comment to continue the summer theme, but I'm trying to keep the grossness to a minimum, so I'll spare you. LET'S JUST PLAY, OK?)

Aloha, amigos (huzzah mixing languages!). Summer has unofficially begun, and I think it's about time for some fun. I've had a crazy few weeks of organizing and festivities and holidays. I just got back from a brief but eventful trip which included my birthday, visiting friends I hadn't seen in ages, and, most importantly, no internet access. So replies to comments on my 4x23 recap are forthcoming, But first, let's gather.

So what do we want to play? I have no idea if anyone but Alex is even reading this right now, so here's a game: who WANTS to play? Give me a shout out if you do, ever have, or ever will intend to visit this strange LJ of mine and have any interest in some mutually entertaining frivolity. I've been missing some of my once regular readers this year, which I know is due mostly to my own shoddy performance in fandom, but I miss everyone, so if I haven't alienated you (which, let's be honest, I've alienated EVERYONE at some point, which, hey, that can be a game. Tell me about that time I alienated you. It can be like one of Ms. Norbury's exercises at the end of Mean Girls. I WILL KEEP YOU HERE TIL FOUR.), holler at me and we will rekindle our whirlwind internet romances.

I suppose, if I were to use my customary "In Short" (my fancy version of tl;dr): I'm bored, it's summer, let's play. Who wants in?

In case anyone is looking for a light dalliance to kick off Fandom Summer, I came up with this curious question earlier, that is hardly a meme but mostly just a query I had that I'd be fascinated to hear your responses to. So, in the fashion of a meme:

Have you ever shipped two pairings for one character equally? Not just tolerated or slightly enjoyed or saw the potential in - I mean genuinely, truly shipped? Been totally torn up that that character couldn't just be with both options, because you simply can't pick? OT3 way kind of counts, but I'm just really curious to see if it's possible to be equally emotionally invested in more than one ship for one character (emphasis on equally - we've all semi-shipped multiple things, because people are pretty and what is TV if not an opportunity to openly ogle other people's sexytimes without looking like a creeper). I tend to attach myself to my OTP with a burning passion and cling to it until my dying day, so you multishippers out there, give me examples. Can such a thing be?

Welcome to Fandom Summer!

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